Rock Songs of the 1990s

I’m a 90s brat. And so, at the ripe age of 29, I’m still yearning for the kind of music that I’m used to listening to.

Almost every day during my younger years, I was always tuned in to NU 107.5 and the now defunct (and legendary) LA ROCK 105.9 (with hosts The Ghost, The Doctor, and DJ Carrrrlos! and of course there was the sultry Cool Carla! or is it Kool Karla? and is it true that she’s the vocalist of Mariyah’s Mistress?). I stopped listening to rock only when I got married and became a full time dad during the final days of 1999. I did return listening to rock music somehow sometime during the early part of this century (even playing on stage and winning in a battle of the bands contest), but during that time I really lost interest.

During my youth, I was addicted to rock music. I even had this foolish idea of one day becoming a rock star (I know many rock fans will be offended by the word “foolish”). ¡Sobrang headbanging action ang pinág-gágagaua co noón sa cuarto có habang nagpápatugtog! ¡Hangáng sa dulo ng street namin (Gold Street)sa Camella Homes Parañaque III, riníg ang iñgay co, jejeje!

Today, my position regarding rock music has changed. After reading Catholic writings and the book Dancing With Demons: The Music’s Real Master (by Jeff Godwin) about rock music, I suddenly had a dislike for it. But the problem is, I grew up listening to it. To put it more bluntly, I miss it. Just as our lolos and  lolas miss the music of The Platters, Elvis Prestley, Tom Jones, and the like, that’s how I feel whenever I hear music that I used to listen to when I was in elementary, high school, and college. E yung erpats co, fan pa ng Survivor (of the Eye of the Tiger shame, or fame, whichever way you’d put it).

And so one day, an office mate who’s another 90s brat was listening to 90s rock music over at yahoo.com’s LAUNCHcast in the office (accidente casing nasira yung firewall ng oficina namin iláng buan ang nacalipas cayá nacapág-internet camí noón, ¡hehehe!). We both reminisced the fun and carefree days of our youth when 90s rock songs were at its zenith: Rage Against the Machine, Metallica, Nirvana and the Grunge Bands, Guns N’ Roses with their iconic November Rain, Pinoy alternative and college garage bands like Dead Nails, Dead Ends, Half-Life Half-Death, and Zexa, Marikina’s death metal rockers (Rumblebelly, Kabaong Ni Kamatayan, etc.), The Eraserheads and Rivermaya, “Laklak” by Teeth (which in one way or another became a national anthem!), “Multó sa Paniñguín”, Top 40 t-shirts, ToneDef Records, Hip-Hop vs. Metal, etc. He then told me “tumátanda na tayo, ¿no?” (we’re getting old, right?). That was a scary thought. But he’s right because I don’t appreciate Callalily, Orange and Lemons, Urbandub, nor their foreign counterparts the way I appreciated their predecessors of the previous decade. I sorely miss the 90s, dear reader.

And so, with the discovery of MP3 (I’m not really familiar with modern music technology, so pardon me [by Incubus?]) I had this wonderful idea of collecting all my favorite and popular rock songs of the 90s, categorized by the year they were released or became popular. Here’s the list:

1990 (10)
Enjoy The Silence — DEPECHE MODE
Cowboys From Hell — PANTERA
Nothing Compares 2 U — SINÉAD O’CONNOR
Blaze of Glory — BON JOVI
Civil War — GUNS N’ ROSES
Cemetery Gates — PANTERA
Cradle of Love — BILLY IDOL
Holy Wars… The Punishment Due — MEGADETH
Kool Thing — SONIC YOUTH
I Remember You — SKID ROW

 

1991 (20)
Smells Like Teen Spirit — NIRVANA
Live and Let Die — GUNS N’ ROSES
(Everything I Do) I Do It for You — BRYAN ADAMS
Black or White — MICHAEL JACKSON
Stars — SIMPLY RED
More Than Words — EXTREME
Wind of Change — SCORPIONS
All I Want — TOAD THE WET SPROCKET
Man In The Box — ALICE IN CHAINS
Hunger Strike — TEMPLE OF THE DOG
Jerry Was a Race Car Driver – PRIMUS
Alive — PEARL JAM
Give It Away — RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS
Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door — GUNS N’ ROSES
Polly — NIRVANA
Enter Sandman — METALLICA
14 Years — GUNS N’ ROSES
Losing My Religion — R.E.M.
The Unforgiven — METALLICA
Estranged — GUNS N’ ROSES

 

1992 (20)
No Rain — BLIND MELON
Tears In Heaven — ERIC CLAPTON
Sad But True — METALLICA
Nothing Else Matters — METALLICA
Killing In The Name — RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
Walk on the Ocean — TOAD THE WET SPROCKET
Achy Breaky Heart  — BILLY RAY CYRUS
To Be With You — MR. BIG
Come As You Are — NIRVANA
Under The Bridge — RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS
November Rain — GUNS N’ ROSES
Jeremy — PEARL JAM
Be Quick or Be Dead — IRON MAIDEN
It’s a Shame about Ray — THE LEMONHEADS
Wherever I May Roam — METALLICA
Yesterdays — GUNS N’ ROSES
Creep — RADIOHEAD
In Bloom — NIRVANA
Lithium — NIRVANA
One — DIE KRUPPS

 

1993 (40)
Hope of Deliverance — PAUL McCARTNEY
Come Undone — DURAN DURAN
Cat’s In The Cradle — UGLY KID JOE
Two Princes — SPIN DOCTORS
Two Steps Behind — DEF LEPPARD
What’s Up? — 4 NON BLONDES
Runaway Train — SOUL ASYLUM
Insane In The Brain — CYPRESS HILL
Bed of Roses –BON JOVI
Dreams — THE CRANBERRIES
Linger — THE CRANBERRIES
Daughter — PEARL JAM
Plush — STONE TEMPLE PILOTS
Since I Don’t Have You — GUNS N’ ROSES
Shine — COLLECTIVE SOUL
She Don’t Use Jelly — THE FLAMING LIPS
Cannonball — THE BREEDERS
I Hate Myself and Want to Die — NIRVANA
Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun — ANTHRAX
99 Ways to Die — MEGADETH
I Got You Babe — CHER with BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD
Serve The Servants — NIRVANA
Scentless Apprentice — NIRVANA
Heart-Shaped Box — NIRVANA
Cryin’ — AEROSMITH
Rape Me — NIRVANA
Milk It — NIRVANA
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm — CRASH TEST DUMMIES
Hey Jealousy — GIN BLOSSOMS
Loser — BECK
Today — THE SMASHING PUMPKINS
Big Gun — AC/DC
New Rose — GUNS N’ ROSES
In These Arms — BON JOVI
Amazing — AEROSMITH
Are You Gonna My Way — LENNY KRAVITZ
Sexual Healing — SOUL ASYLUM
Shine — COLLECTIVE SOUL
Verse Chorus Verse (Sappy) — NIRVANA
All Apologies — NIRVANA

 

1994 (25)
Five Minutes Alone — PANTERA
Can You Feel The Love Tonight? — ELTON JOHN
Animal — PEARL JAM
Zombie — THE CRANBERRIES
No Excuses –ALICE IN CHAINS
Connection — ELASTICA
Buddy Holly — WEEZER
Far Behind — CANDLEBOX
Black Hole Sun — SOUNDGARDEN
Ode To My Family — THE CRANBERRIES
Tomorrow — SILVERCHAIR
Sabotage — BEASTIE BOYS
Freedom — RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
Train of Consequences — MEGADETH
Liar — ROLLINS BAND
Bullet In The Head (Live) — RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
Come Out and Play — THE OFFSPRING
Addicted To Chaos — MEGADETH
Basket Case — GREEN DAY
Selling The Drama — LIVE
Interstate Love Song — STONE TEMPLE PILOTS
The Man Who Sold The World — NIRVANA
Sympathy for the Devil — GUNS N’ ROSES
Crazy — AEROSMITH
Strong Enough — SHERYL CROW

 

1995 (30)
Universal Heart-Beat — JULIANA HATFIELD
Ghost In You — COUNTING CROWS
Sick of Myself — MATTHEW SWEET
Good — BETTER THAN EZRA
Hey Hey What Can I Do — HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH
D’yer Mak’er — SHERYL CROW
Dancing Days — STONE TEMPLE PILOTS
Beggars & Hangers-On — SLASH’S SNAKEPIT
When I Come Around — GREEN DAY
Til I Hear It from You — GIN BLOSSOMS
Hand In My Pocket — ALANIS MORISSETTE
More Human Than Human — WHITE ZOMBIE
Go Go Power Rangers — THE POWER RANGERS ORCHESTRA
I Alone — LIVE
The World I Know — COLLECTIVE SOUL
Only Wanna Be with You — HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH
Lightning Crashes — LIVE
December — COLLECTIVE SOUL
Lump — Presidents of the United States of America
Wonderwall — OASIS
Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver — PRIMUS
You Oughta Know — ALANIS MORISSETTE
Warped — RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS
Breakin’ Down — SKID ROW
All Mixed Up — 311
It’s Oh So Quiet — BJÖRK
Don’t Look Back in Anger — OASIS
Just A Girl — NO DOUBT
Flood — JARS OF CLAY
Name — GOO GOO DOLLS

 

1996 (40)
Aeroplane — RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS
Elegantly Wasted — INXS
Mother Mother — TRACY BONHAM
Santeria — SUBLIME
Glycerine — BUSH
Big Me — FOO FIGHTERS
Counting Blue Cars — DISHWALLA
A Long December — COUNTING CROWS
One Of Us — JOAN OSBORNE
People of the Sun — RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
Champagne Supernova — OASIS
Change The World — ERIC CLAPTON with BABYFACE
Firestarter — THE PRODIGY
1979 — THE SMASHING PUMPKINS
Not An Addict — K’S CHOICE
Don’t Speak — NO DOUBT
Swallowed — BUSH
Lovefool — THE CARDIGANS
Ironic — ALANIS MORISSETTE
Who Will Save Your Soul? — JEWEL
If It Makes You Happy — SHERYL CROW
Greedy Fly — BUSH
Stupid Girl — GARBAGE
Forty-Six & 2 — TOOL
Roots — SEPULTURA
Until It Sleeps — METALLICA
6 Underground — SNEAKER PIMPS
Pink Triangle — WEEZER
Hero of the Day — METALLICA
All I Really Want — ALANIS MORISSETTE
The Beautiful People — MARILYN MANSON
The Horrible People — MARILYN MANSON
Head Over Feet — ALANIS MORISSETTE
Bulls On Parade — RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
Crash Into Me — DAVE MATTHEWS BAND
You Were Meant for Me — JEWEL
Beautiful Ones — SUEDE
Devils Haircut — BECK
I Will Survive — CAKE
Your House — ALANIS MORISSETTE

 

1997 (55)
Oh, Hell Yeah! (Stone Cold Steve Austin, WWF) — H-BLOCKX
Beetlebum — BLUR
Touch, Peel, and Stand — DAYS OF THE NEW
Torn — NATALIE IMBRUGLIA
Lady Picture Show — STONE TEMPLE PILOTS
Monkey Wrench — FOO FIGHTERS
Dammit (Growing Up) — BLINK 182
Sunday Morning — NO DOUBT
Superman’s Dead — OUR LADY PEACE
Block Rockin’ Beats — THE CHEMICAL BROTHERS
Brown Paper Bag — RONI SIZE
Your Woman — WHITE TOWN
Song 2 — BLUR
MMMBop — HANSON
Bitch — MEREDITH BROOKS
Karma Police — RADIOHEAD
Sex and Candy — MARCY PLAYGROUND
Discotheque — U2
Govinda — KULA SHAKER
Clumsy — OUR LADY PEACE
Where Have All The Cowboys Gone? — PAULA COLE
Tubthumping — CHUMBAWAMBA
Bitter Sweet Symphony — THE VERVE
Freak — SILVERCHAIR
One Headlight — THE WALLFLOWERS
The Perfect Drug — NINE INCH NAILS
The Unforgiven II — METALLICA
Foolish Games — JEWEL
House of Bamboo — SOUTHERN CULTURE ON THE SKIDS
The Freshmen — THE VERVE PIPE
Push — MATCHBOX 20
Abuse Me — SILVERCHAIR
Semi-Charmed Life — THIRD EYE BLIND
The Impression That I Get — THE MIGHTY MIGHTY BOSSTONES
Volcano Girls — VERUCA SALT
Superbabe 2000 — SIZE 14
Virtual Insanity — JAMIROQUAI
Stand By Me — OASIS
I Don’t Want to Wait — PAULA COLE
Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) — GREEN DAY
(Can’t You) Trip Like I Do — FILTER and THE CRYSTAL METHOD
One Man Army — THE PRODIGY featuring TOM MORELLO
James Bond Theme — MOBY
Du Hast — RAMMSTEIN
Break It Down (D-Generation X, WWF) — THE CHRIS WARREN BAND
No Shelter — RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
Five Candles (You Were There) — JARS OF CLAY
Around The World — DAFT PUNK
Brick — BEN FOLDS FIVE
Zoot Suit Riot — CHERRY POPPIN’ DADDIES
Walkin’ on the Sun — SMASH MOUTH
Why’s Everybody Always Pickin’ On Me? — THE BLOODHOUND GANG
Save Tonight — EAGLE EYE CHERRY
Graduate — THIRD EYE BLIND
Hymn — JARS OF CLAY

 

1998 (35)
It’s All Been Done — BARENAKED LADIES
Shelf In The Room — DAYS OF THE NEW
Save Yourself — STABBING WESTWARD
Stain of Mind — SLAYER
Sunshower — CHRIS CORNELL
Iris — GOO GOO DOLLS
The Way — FASTBALL
Be Strong Now — JAMES IHA
Flagpole Sitta — HARVEY DANGER
I Think I’m Paranoid — GARBAGE
Shimmer — FUEL
Intergalactic — BEASTIE BOYS
Celebrity Skin — HOLE
The Rockafeller Skank — FATBOY SLIM
You Get What You Give — NEW RADICALS
Why Can’t We Be Friends? — SMASH MOUTH
Pretty Fly (for a White Guy) — THE OFFSPRING
I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing — AEROSMITH
Adia — SARAH McLACHLAN
Across The Universe — FIONA APPLE
Ava Adore — THE SMASHING PUMPKINS
Malibu — HOLE
Body Movin’ — BEASTIE BOYS
Bombtrack (Live & Rare) — RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
Frozen — MADONNA
Teardrop — MASSIVE ATTACK
Push It — GARBAGE
Take the Power Back (Live & Rare) — RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
It’s On! — KORN
Jump Around (Live) — LIMP BIZKIT
Faith (Live) — LIMP BIZKIT
Got The Life — KORN
Sugar — SYSTEM OF A DOWN
Whiskey in the Jar — METALLICA
My Own Summer (Shove It) — DEFTONES

 

1999 (30)
Freak on a Leash — KORN
Nookie — LIMP BIZKIT
Bawitdaba — KIDROCK
Voodoo — GODSMACK
My Name Is — EMINEM
No Chance In Hell (Vince McMahon, WWF) — THE CHRIS WARREN BAND
Every You Every Me — PLACEBO
One — CREED
Moonchild — CIBO MATTO
Ana’s Song (Open Fire) — SILVERCHAIR
Someday — SUGAR RAY
My Own Worst Enemy — LIT
The Kings (D-Generation X) — RUN-D.M.C.
You Wanted More — TONIC
Scar Tissue — RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS
Animal Instinct — THE CRANBERRIES
Miserable — LIT
Someday We’ll Know — NEW RADICALS
All the Small Things — BLINK 182
Around The World — RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS
Guerilla Radio — RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
Coffee & TV — BLUR
Every Morning — SUGAR RAY
Smooth — SANTANA featuring ROB THOMAS
Burning Down The House — TOM JONES and THE CARDIGANS
Falling Away From Me — KORN
Take A Picture — FILTER
María — BLONDIE
Kiss Me — SIXPENCE NONE THE RICHER
Anthem for the Year 2000 — SILVERCHAIR

Bacá may culang pá, paquidágdagan namán. Caso lang, magpáparecord na acó ngayóng dárating na sueldo e (bacá bucas o sa macalauá). I’ll also make a separate list for Filipino acts.

 

Please take note that not all those songs were played in either LA ROCK or NU, such as Simply Red. Many might not consider Simply Red as a rock band, but actually they sound more rock to me compared to Southern Culture on the Skids which was an NU favorite. Also, some of you might ask what the heck is Elton John and Madonna doing up there. Well, they’re also categorized as rock artists (they had rock songs tucked in their respective discographies), so why exclude them? At sacá ang guinauá co sa listahan na itó, hindí bubutal sa número cinco o diez ang mañgá cantá, at mapápansin nio itó sa dami ng cantá cada año (10, 20, 55, etc).

The year that brings back sweet memories is 1999 because that was when I got entangled in a bittersweet love affair with my girlfriend who is now my loving wife; she’s also a rock music lover. Hearing songs like Sugar Ray’s “Every Morning” and Cibo Matto’s “Moonchild” brings back the days when me and my girlfriend-turned-wife were “rocking” together!

 

If you’ll notice, 1997 had the most number of rock songs. Sobrang rakista acó ng mañgá panahóng iyón. I was around 17 or 18. I was still good at the guitar. If memory serves me correct, that was also the year when I successfully urged my mom to buy me an RJ Stratocaster with a small Rage Amps. But I think 1997 was a sad year because that was a time when LA ROCK 105.9 started to “die.” Subsequently, Atom Henares’ NU 107.5 was left without a rival. But doubtless, LA ROCK 105.9 left such a mark for them and for the local rock scene as well. So don’t you think it’s time for NU 107.5 to give its formal rival a “Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame” Award (lalo nát iláng días na lang, may Rock Awards na namán silá; at hindí na siyá invitational tulad ng dati, ¡ha!)?

 

Nowadays, I know that rock music is bad. But this was the music of my youth. The most I can do is to keep my children from listening and patronizing this music.

 

I remember my former bandmate Leo “Lee The Stalker” Atanoso telling me that “once a rocker, always a rocker.” I’m not even sure if I should be proud about it. In the meantime, gone is that fire of dreaming of becoming a rockstar. And all I can say is “Rock on, 90s!”

 

Bueno, bilang págtatapos ng sáriwaing itó (¿tama ba yung Tagalog có?) magcátuwaan na lang tayo sa pamamaguitan ng isáng survey: ¿anó sa tiñguín ninió ang más astíg dati, LA ROCK 105.9 o NU 107.5?

My golly, I think I really am getting old…

My Very First Laptop!

…is second hand, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that it was only given to me. Yep! During these times of crises, you just don’t give away a laptop like that, not even to a close associate.

But that’s just what my mate, Arnold, did. Alarmed by the fact that I might give up writing due to uncontrollable circumstances, he gave me his slightly used laptop as an assurance that I will never give up writing! What a generous soul!

I only got to know Arnold early last year. We were in the same call center where we’ve been working for years (we were actually considered as the pioneer/veteran employees; our employee numbers didn’t exceed the number 1,000 mark). But I only got to know him when I was transferred to his department since it needed an additional Spanish-speaking agent. He was already a Team Leader there, but I was, of course, designated to the Spanish team.

He’s perhaps the smartest TL on the call floor. Not that he’s a strict adherent to the company’s “English Only Policy”, but English is his preferred language during conversations. He’s amiable towards everyone, even to agents who are not on his team And even to the facilities staff and security guards. A masa sort of guy. We got into conversations during lunch time, where I found out that he’s a hater of environmental destruction, too. He also kept on asking about my Spanish background, and was a bit surprised to hear that he knows a thing or two about what I already know about Philippine history.

Hulk-sized for his age (and nationality), it was quite a surprise to learn that he and I shared the same kind of passion: that’s it, Philippine history. And the Spanish language. No, he doesn’t speak the language, but upon self-study and research, he knew that Spanish was illogically removed from our country. In Arnold I have found an unbiased person, who knows fairly well that when the powers-that-be removed the Spanish language from our national patrimony, it also (wittingly or unwittingly) blinded the Filipinos self-recognition, i.e., they became unfamiliar with their national identity.

The Filipinos today do not know who they are, or what they really were.

But Arnold knows. He hasn’t even spoken to any major scholars from where he could’ve learned this viewpoint. An astute researcher, Arnold never fails to uncover more truth behind the lies imposed onto Philippine eductation.

We haven’t known each other that long, but it seemed as if we’ve known each other for a long time. At long last, I have found a partner whom I can share this passion and love for everything Filipino. For many years, I was afraid that this “strong power” that I got from my Filipino scholar mentor will be left with me alone. I don’t know how to handle such potent force. What I mean to say is that I cannot do this alone. I can never reciprocate my mentor’s knowledge and wisdom, not to mention his clear and fantastic logic. I am just me compared to his great persona. I felt I wasn’t worthy to carry out his work, or at least alone to do it. But with Arnold, I think I can.

Nick Joaquín is right. There appears to be some sort of a divine pattern for us Filipinos. I’d like to think –or should I say, I DO BELIEVE– that God meant Arnold and I to team-up and fight this sick Filipino society that is now facing us.

And with this laptop (which is also my first computer!), it’s full speed ahead!

Anxiety

Some time ago, my friend Arnold, who was a Team Leader (equivalent of a supervisor) in our call center resigned from our office. As of this moment, he’s a full-time writer/historian. We’re currently working on our first book which is about the biography of our town’s mayor. Not really something that one might call scholarly since it’s basically an “ego-booster”, so to speak, for the said politician. But despite all that, this politician’s a nice guy. And he’s the one who gave us our first break to get published. We’re not from some fancy school. We don’t have scholarly credentials aside from the four-year-degree diplomas we got from our respective universities. And we don’t have other connections to get published. This “break” we did on our own because we’re the ones who went to him in the first place — well, not to ask him for us to write his biography, but to write the history of our town.

I envy Arnold because he’s working full time on this project. Me, I still have to fight away the sleepiness after my night shift. Good thing Arnold gave me the password to his internet access here in the office. But the problem is, right after my shift at 10 AM, my head either dreams about the land of sleep, or the land of porn (hyuk-yuk-yuk!). I sometimes rest my head on whatever CSR desk I choose, fall asleep, and then wake up an hour or two with an aching back. Like what I’ve said before, I can’t afford to leave this job especially since my wife’s pregnant again (ang sipag namin, ¿no?).

So that’s what has been keeping us busy all these weeks. We’re trying to beat a self-imposed deadline because the mayor wants his biography to be launched just in time for the town fiesta this coming February. According to my partner Arnold, who’s got friends in the printing business, it takes up to two months just to publish even a minor book! Man, this politician mustn’t have any idea at all about the length of time it takes to publish a book! Now, we’re in a time quandary. But still, I think we’re doing progress.

We only got to start out last 29 August, making this project –as I’ve boasted once to Arnold– one of the most fastest-written biographies in the world. Another problem we have is that the Mayor is one of them “unlettered guys.” He’s not an avid reader. He didn’t even finish the samples of the book we’ve written about him. And worse, he wanted his book written in Tagalog. He told that to us when we’ve already written much about him.

Arnold and I weren’t trained to write in Tagalog. I think most Tagalog-speaking Filipinos today aren’t well-trained to write in their vernacular. ¡Caramba! I believe the case is much worse for other non-Tagalog Filipinos. Are they even being trained to write in their vernacular. Look at F. Sionil José. He’s an Ilocano, but he’s not articulate in his native language, being trained in English. And he admits that sad fact.

Anyway, the Mayor doesn’t seem to be all worried about that. But worried us is that he said he’s got a translator friend, a Tagalista, who can help us to translate his work. That didn’t sound right for us. We couldn’t even get out of this project anymore since he already paid us P30,000 grand. Of course we had to accept; we’re not rich kids in the first place. And that’s not bribe money, as well; it’s our first pay check as writers! Yay!

But back to the sad part. The uncertainty of seeing our names printed in this book looms in the air. What if he double-crosses us? The suspicion couldn’t be waived off because of the immediate trust he gave us in publishing his life story. I mean to say, he’s a longtime politician, a rich businessman, and one-time general manager of a prominent governmental department. He could’ve easily gotten himself a prominent writer to the job for him, right? Or maybe he trusted us that easily because he’s a friend of an uncle of mine.

Is this kind of anxiousness normal for writers who’d get published for the first time.

The Most Stressful Event Of My Life

My wife is pregnant. Just found out about it several days ago. It would be our fourth child. Five if she’s going to have twins.

In the meantime, we are busy and strictly tightening our belts while making both ends meet. caEspecially since we have recently bought our own residential unit in Calambâ (my dream place). The house has two rooms and two storeys high. The unit we bought stands on one of the largest lots in the subdivision (ours is 112 sq. m.), thus we can build an extension of the house in the future. But right now, we have to pay at least P150,000 every year so that we’d be finished with all our house payments within seven years instead of 25.

It is therefore a necessity for me to augment my salary. I’ve been with my company for close to four years now (I signed up with them on 29 October 2004; now my co-employees reverently call me an “institution” of our company). It is there where I was promoted as a Spanish Speaking Agent when one of their accounts/departments opened up slots for Spanish speaking customer service representatives. I owe this place a lot. It’s my home away from home. Even though it’s now facing harsh criticisms from ex- and even current employees, I still remained loyal to it. There were times when I got into trouble, but everything was ironed out. It was weird. I can still remember the first time I stepped into this company’s building. I was then full of anxiety and nervousness since I just lost a job. I kept on praying to land a job because I have no one else to depend to but God. Also, prior to this, I had a penchant of not becoming a regular employee, and I was getting tired of it. Becoming a regular employee back then was one of my main objectives.

Upon entering the premises that cold and sunny October morning, I felt something strange yet familiar. A feeling of muted familiarity, of comfortability, struck me immediately. I didn’t know why. I went through several interviews and tests. And on the night of that same day, I signed a contract! I was then offered P13,000 plus P2,000 in allowances. I couldn’t contain my smile, and felt that my eyes were popping out. That amount back then (2004) was already huge and exciting for me and my wife. We only had two children, Krystal and Momay who was just born that year. We weren’t living with any relatives anymore. We were on our own, renting a small house in San Pedro, Laguna.

Right now, as I plan to leave, I’m earning P31,200 per month, plus P2,000 in allowances. Not enough anymore since our youngest, Jesús Felipe, “Jefe” arrived early last year. And we now need two maids since one can’t handle three playful kids. And even we call center agents are affected by this rice price increase. That’s the reason why, reluctantly, I have to leave this company no matter how much I’m fond of it. Even my amigo Arnold already left amid a financial and/or management crisis that is besetting this company.

Speaking of mi amigo, we are now working on our first book project! Yes! It’s every writer’s dream! To have a book published!

You know, whenever I visit bookstores and libraries, I always read the author’s profile with much interest, checking out their profiles, their writing and academic credentials. I bite my lip in jealousy. I say to myself, I have much more better ideas and stories and verses than some of them. So I think I myself have the right to be published.

And then I look at myself in the mirror. There’s a headset strapped onto my big head, and I’m starting to show baggy eyes. I’m thinning more and smell of second-hand smoke because of my chain-smoking co-employees.

I am just a call center agent. An owl. A vampire.

But I never stop dreaming.

One day, many weeks ago, I thought of an idea. I invited Arnold, a TL in our department and a fellow dreamer, to co-publish a book. I told him that we had to get published, or else as writers we will perish. His plan was actually to have a teaching position in the academe, which is a good idea as well. But that doesn’t suffice. I have a teacher in college who teaches and writes brilliant pieces of literature, Radney Ranario. But you won’t even find his name in web searches (until now, I think). Thus, book is a necessary avenue for us to reach a wider audience. Our blogs/websites are not enough. A book has much more prestige and style compared to a website. Oh may the trees of this country forgive me.

So he asked me how to do it. I told him that it would be a bit easy. The mayor of San Pedro is, incidentally, a good friend of my dad’s cousin. This uncle of mine, upon learning that me and my family moved to this town, referred me to this politician friend just in case I needed help. But I never really minded it. Until that day that I was looking outside the street from our apartment door.

Actually, we were actually already planning to move to another place because I ran into trouble several weeks before. It was past midnight, 12:30 to be exact because I was just looking at the time in my wife’s cellphone which I was then using. I was already walking outside our street towards the national road (Mahárlika Highway) going to Alabang where my office is located. Our place was deserted since everyone was asleep. But not this huge guy with a motorbike who stopped right beside me just to beat me up. He appeared either drunk or wasted by crack. I froze right in my tracks when he got off his motorbike, with a maniacal look in his eyes. He asked me why I kept on looking at him. Obviously, he was looking for trouble. He found the wrong guy in me. I was simply rushing towards my office, fearing a corrective action formfor tardiness from TL JJ. Now that fear has been transferred to this guy who may have an intent to draw blood. I told him I wasn’t looking at him, I don’t know him, and that I was just going to my work.

Just as I was about to leave him, his left hand grabbed the neck of my shirt and gave me a big windmill right which I immediately parried. He hit me a bit on my left ear. And all his successive punches hit nothing but my parrying left arm. And while he was doing this, I was screaming at him to stop (¡Teka lang! ¡Teka lang! ¡Walá acóng casalanan sa’yó!). But thanks to God, I still have my presence of mind. I have in my pants’ back pocket a mean-looking wooden knuckle that was given to me two years ago by Lee, a former co-employee and bandmate, as a remembrance (he was about to leave our call center for another). I thanked him, thinking that it may come in handy in the future, although I was always hoping that I will not be entangled in any violent scenario. For all my hidden rage and short temper, I am actually a pacifist.

But the inevitable happened. This huge crackpot was looking for trouble. And he got what he wanted, and more. My right fist was able to wear the wooden knuckles (made of molave, I think) while blocking his barrage of wild punches. I then landed a huge right onto his left cheek. He felt it good, I thought I even saw stars around his corrupted head. But he still had a grip on my shirt. I landed another — it hit his face again, but he was starting to fall. The third time was the charm: he fell to his knees and let go of my shirt. I landed a barrage of wooden knuckle punches on his head, face, and nape that even Count von Count of Sesame Street would have lost count! If not for a motorbike or two which was then arriving to aid him, I would have certainly killed the guy. I sprinted to the nearest esquinita (Castassus street), the fastest run I’ve ever done in my whole life! I ran so fast that I even arrived on time!

This crime happened just a few feet from the chapel of St. Vincent Ferrer (our barangay was named after him). Thus, I attributed that victorious night to San Vicente’s intervention.

Days later, I learned from a relative and neighbors that that freako has already been accused of murder and has beaten up a couple of people already. The asshole lives in nearby Barangay Laguerta, notorious for its drug-trafficking. That struck fear in my heart. Not that I fear for myself, but for my family. Me and my wife both work the night shift. We leave our three children to their yaya Cel (right now, we only have one maid; cailañgan pa namin ng isá, cayá pahiñguí namán – bacá may irereto cayó para sa amin).

My only consolation is that I’m positive that he didn’t recognize my face because he was obviously high that night. And I change my features from time to time; you can check out my Friendster which will be divulged in this website in the future.

Therefore, we decided not to leave. It’s not that easy to transfer from one place to another. I mean to say, we just moved to our new apartment from another street just last December 8. And if you don’t know yet, we have already lived in several places already we’re already fed up with moving. Might as well wait until we’re done with the equity. Hopefully by next year, we will be able to move to our new — and our very own — home. Me and my wife just agreed for me not to walk from our apartment towards our highway. I’ll just hail a tricycle or jeep in front of our apartment building no matter how walkable our place is from the main road.

My friends in our office have advised me to move. I told Arnold not yet. I think there’s still a purpose for my stay in San Pedro. I explained to him that we can publish a history book about my town! I’ve been living in San Pedro since May 10, 2004. And Arnold has bought a residential unit in San Pedro. I’m moving out, he’s moving in. But San Pedro’s in the heart (my apologies to the great Carlos Bulosan). I told him of my connection: my Tío Monching! And so Arnold was convinced, and the rest is, well, history.

I looked for Tío Monching’s phone number using Friendster. I asked some of my relatives. Upon getting hold of the number, I immediately contacted him. And I was so happy to learn that he’s always with the Mayor! He instructed me on whom to talk with, and so after a couple of days of SMS exchanges, on the morning of August 29 (after my shift) Arnold and I had a date with destiny. We met at San Pedro Apóstol Parish Church that morning. I asked him if he was ready. We both were. And so we marched towards the crowded and busy municipal hall.

When we got to the receiving room prior to the mayor’s huge office, there appears to be a mass civil wedding going on. I immediately looked for a certain Óscar Ramírez. Tío Monching said that Mr. Ramírez is the man who’ll bring us directly to the mayor. Unfortunately, we learned from some people there that he was at the hospital at that time, attending to a sick family member.

We were about to go home, seeing that it’s impossible to even seek an audience with the mayor. There were so many people who were queueing his office to discuss far more important matters compared to ours. There were guards all over the place. There’s no easy access to get to the mayor. We were just staying at the receiving area, looking through the glass panels to catch a glimpse of the busy politician inside his huge office. Arnold invited me to leave by 10:00 AM if still nothing happened. I almost agreed, but I told him that it’s now or never. If we never get to talk to the mayor that day, then I don’t think we’d be able to get to talk to him anymore. He’s our only ticket for us to get published.

Me and Arnold, as you all know, are not renowned writers. With our separate blogs, we may be known to some people who are interested in Philippine history. But like what I wrote above, a book holds much prestige. And authority. We are not history nor literature majors. We are virtual unknowns, dilettantes, amateurs. But one things for sure: we do know how to write, and we’re damn sure of what we’re writing about. It’s just that we’re not given opportunities make our thoughts known in printed form. So this San Pedro book we’re babbling about is the key.

And then I saw this young man who looks exactly like the Mayor. I assumed that his Mayor’s son (later on, from Tío Monching, I learned that he is, and his name’s Aaron) since he’s got free access to the door of his office. Labás-masoc siyá. I gathered enough confidence and walked to him, since it appears that he’s quite approachable. And he was. I presented myself to him, and he does know my uncle, but he told me and Arnold that it might be impossible for us to get an audience with the mayor because it was really a busy day. There were countless people in the lobby, in the office. I didn’t imagine a mayor’s office to be that crowded with so many people in need of his assistance. But the son was accomodating. He said that we could actually make a presentation at their house. Me and Arnold weren’t sure if we should say yes — it was an invitation to their house. Since we didn’t have a ready answer, and that some people kept on approaching him, too (he was busy like his dad; everyone in that place was busy), he just recommended us to the City Administrator’s office (Tío Monching said that he’s a brother-in-law of the mayor, a silent and chiflado/suplado type of guy). We got to his office, waited for our turn for us to talk to him (his office was very busy, as well; I expected them to be busy, of course, but not super busy!).

When we got hold of his attention, he brought us a bad news: there is already a book about the history of San Pedro. He said it was written by Larry Ordoña, one of their consultants for the municipality’s cultural affairs. We were disheartened, but we got our spirits back to hear that it was written in Tagálog. We said that we plan to write something in English, and that it would certainly be more comprehensive and detailed since I speak Spanish. We’d be able to get more info from the National Archives of the Philippines, wherein more than 13 million historical documents are written in Spanish.

We were so bold and confident. This is because a few weeks prior to our San Pedro municipal hall visit, we visited Muntinlupà City’s Public Library. We got hold of a very recently published book regarding the history of Muntinlupà. But we were amused to find out that the book seemed more like a public relations tool of one its former mayors. We were thinking the same about this San Pedro history book that the City Administrator told us. But in the end, he consented with our request for an official letter, with the municipio’s letterhead, allowing us to freely visit related departments in connection to our research purposes. But he suggested that we talk to Larry Ordoña as well to avoid conflict of ideas since it was Ordoña who wrote about San Pedro’s history first.

We waited for the letter for around half an hour while watching the City Administrator mediate between two feuding groups of public utility drivers. Afterwards, we were handed the letter and was asked to give it to someone at the mayor’s office to be signed by the mayor himself.

While waiting for the “golden signature,” Arnold was hoping that the mayor would see my last name. But I told him that it’s unlikely since he might just sign the official paper without reading much of it, let alone our names.

A few minutes later, we were shocked when we were invited inside!

At long last, we got an audience with Mayor Calixto Catáquiz, a longtime mayor of San Pedro during the latter half of the 80s throughout the first half of the 90s, and is a former Laguna Lake Development Authority chairman. We asked to seek his kind office the permission, support, and blessing to write about the history of San Pedro (de Tunasán during the Spanish times), La Laguna. But we were surprised when he whispered to us that he’s been looking around for a writer or two to write his biography!

We requested to write just one book. But it appears that we’re going to write two: we couldn’t contain the joy in our faces. I whispered to Arnold: “God is good!”

He then invited us to lunch. He just signed a few more papers, talked to a couple of more people, and then we were whisked away together with the mayor by his bodyguards to a secret passage to his car! And then we went off to Yellow Cab pizza along South Luzón Tollway in nearby Santa Rosa, at the Caltex station (owned by his friend, Ms. Adelaida Ponce de Yatco, a mother of a Viñáng político). During the car trip there, we started interviewing him, using a tape recorder his son Aaron lent us earlier.

And there at Yellow Cab we discussed the plans for his upcoming book. It appears that we have to write his biopic first since he wants it launched this coming February, in time for the town’s fiesta.

Man, this life is incredible! But so much to do, so little time… I haven’t even mentioned here that I’m going to take up review classes for the Diploma Español como Lengua Extranjera exam this coming November.

So this is perhaps the most stressful event of my young life. But I’m enjoying it!